It is crucial to get your child’s attention before doing anything else. Once she is looking at you, you can prepare her in the following ways:

Give directions

You should simply tell your child what you want her to do and tell her simply. Do this while using the same (or similar) words each time, so that she can learn what your direction means. Match your directions to the step that your child is learning. ‘Clean your teeth’ will be fine once your child has learned the whole process, but while she is learning you will need to see teeth-cleaning as a series of small steps, each of which will need to he taught and will need a direction (e.g. ‘take your toothbrush’, ‘open the toothpaste’, etc)

Demonstrate

If your direction does not give your child enough information about what to do, show her. Make sure she is looking and demonstrate slowly and clearly. Demonstrating is a useful technique because it gives your child the independence to act for herself and it shows her exactly what is required of her. But remember that you will want your child to be able to do most things without a demonstration, so demonstrate less and less frequently as time goes on.

When a new skill is introduced, your child will most certainly need some extra help. You can help through what you say and/or do.

Give more information

In jargon, this is called ‘prompting’. By giving your child hints you are telling her more about what to do and are also encouraging her to keep trying. Here is an example of this technique (note how the parent gives directions and demonstrates first).

Mother: Let’s build a tower. Put the block on the block. Xander: (bangs blocks). Mother: Look, I put block on block. (demonstrates) Your turn. Xander: (tries, but the block falls off – Tommy has not lifted it high enough) Mother: That was a good try. Try again. (as Tommy begins to try) Block goes up … up … and PUT!

Give physical help

In jargon, this is called giving a ‘physical prompt’. Physical prompts generally give more help than  verbal prompts, and they are very useful in the early stages when your child is just learning a new skill. Physical prompts vary from the slightest sign to substantial physical assistance. The trick is to give only the amount of assistance that your child needs, and no more. As she gets better and better at her new activity, you can reduce the amount of help you give her.

Adapt the materials

Another way to help your child achieve a task is to adapt the materials you are using or find substitutes that are easier to use. This approach is particularly helpful with a child who wants to act independently and resents continual physical assistance. Spoon handles can be wrapped with tape to provide an easier grip and toothpaste lids can be loosened slightly before the child is asked to unscrew them. The scope for such adaptation is endless and your occupational therapist may be able to help you adapting material where needed.

What to do after your child has attempted a task can be summarised in one word: reinforcement. The term ‘reinforcement’ stands for what is possibly the most fundamental principle of learning and you will use it in everything you teach. Reinforcement is what makes an action rewarding and makes us want to do it again. When we reinforce a child we let her know that she is doing the right thing, and we let her know in a way that will give her pleasure, so that she is likely to keep trying.

Try to show your approval in the most natural way you can. If your child becomes dependent on a very artificial form of reinforcement, her adjustment to new and different situations (such as preschool or school) will be more difficult because these forms of reinforcement are unlikely to be available to her there. Examples of reinforcement, listed from most natural to most artificial include: praise, touch, special treats, tokens, food. Please read the FAQs for more information on this topic.

When to reinforce

Reinforcement should be an innate part of the relationship between parents and children, and, in general, should not be subject to any schedules. But there are circumstances in which you can help your child to learn by being aware of, and controlling, when you reinforce. Early in the learning process, when your child is getting to know a new skill, reinforce every time your child achieves the task. And reinforce for trying, too. When she shows you that she can do the new task, begin to reinforce less frequently. Be a little unpredictable about it; randomly scattered praise is more effective than a fixed schedule of every second try. This will help your child to avoid becoming dependent on continual reinforcement or becoming immune to it because it is always there.

A word on bribery

You may see the suggestion of using treats, tokens or food as rewards as a form of bribery. But ‘bribery’ implies an intention to corrupt, to induce another to do something he or she would normally consider unethical. When you offer rewards to your child, you are doing so not to corrupt but to teach skills your child needs to learn. As long as you are using them consciously and plan the phasing out of treats, tokens or food as soon as (or before) you start using them, there should be no problem using them as reinforcement in your teaching.